Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
