hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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