turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
