And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
