i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
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I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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