Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
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Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA