ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
