she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
