We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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