i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
