her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
