He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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