He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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