Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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