Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
