dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
