So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
