Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
