the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
