We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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