hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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