And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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