can we get nightvision for the apartment?
In America we eat man semen.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
