Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
