Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
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she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
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She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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