He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
