Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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