I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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