does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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