id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
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I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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