how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
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HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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