Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
