Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
