I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
