i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
