I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize