She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
