just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
