i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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