I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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