It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
