how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
