i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I will pee on everything he values.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
