I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
