I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
