Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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