Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
