I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
