So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
