well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
