all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
