That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
