I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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