this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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