Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
