I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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