i would punch a child for taco bell
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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