Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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