I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
