I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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