I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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