he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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