Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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