He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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