You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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