Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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