I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
