thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
