All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
