she was so not down for the gang bang
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
