This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
