dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's just like the Real World with babies
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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