My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
