he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
