He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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