Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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