I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
