Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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