Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
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I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
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Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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