let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I fill condoms, not promises.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
