Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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